Dad Turns 80

My dad turned 80 on December 7. He has always said he does not want to be a little old man who shuffles his feet and has a hard time maneuvering from linoleum to carpet. At 80, he is pretty darn healthy. He golfs once a week and volunteers at the church quite often. He has a good network of friend to whom he freely gives his time and energy. His physique would give Santa Claus a run for his money, but he still gets around very well.

My siblings and I had a surprise party for him Saturday night. My brother arranged to take him to dinner at his favorite restaurant for chicken piccata. They arrived with my nephew and sister-in-law and we could all see them come in as casual as ever. As my father turned the corner to the assembly of guests who yelled ‘surprise,’ my brother steadied my dad. Of course a risk of surprising even a healthy octogenarian is a heart attack. But no, he just gave us a dirty look that said, “What the hell?”

Stunned as he was he started recognizing faces and eventually started shaking guests’ hands. With about 40 guests from his working days as a bank examiner, his church family and his four adult children with their respective families, it was a really great party.

Chicken piccata was on the menu but ‘roast’ was the main event. All in good fun, of course, we told his politically incorrect jokes and toasted his sincere generosity and his somewhat crusty exterior.

Around the tables were signs that my sister and niece made that captured some catch phrases that are the lexicon of life with dad. Below are some of the most famous phrases and what they mean in our family lore.

1. “Dismount. Fight on Foot.” My father says this every time we park the car and need to get out. Get off your horse, stand and fight. It’s his personal version of “Brave heart.” You can draw your own Walter Mitty analogies.

2. “Move the ball around, hit the open man, play the good defense. Just trying to help the team.” This is of course, what any NCAA or NBA player should say when interviewed after a game. As well, this is the mantra that played in my head when I played basketball in high school. If only I got the ball, I would have done okay.

3. “Go to bed.” Easiest solution to any and every problem. If we had too much homework, a bad day at school or work, an argument with our mother – go to bed! Sleep on it and deal with it later if it didn’t magically disappear with the sandman.

4. “Good enough for government work.” This is when we got something done but it lacked any pizzazz or expertise. He ALWAYS offered this comment to class projects that were done at the last minute with limited resources—California mission building, science project volcanoes, various dioramas, etc. It doesn’t say much for the government-employed … or perhaps it says it all.

5. “Pert near out of strawberry glaze.” I’ll dissect this. First, ‘pert near’ is some sort of dialectal phrase that means ‘almost.’ He usually uses it sarcastically to mean we are nowhere near. Like when we have overestimated a recipe and made potato salad to feed an army—“we are pert near out of potato salad.”

Secondly, the strawberry glaze. There is one jar of strawberry glaze that he found in his cabinet many, many years ago. When my sister was in college and living on her own, she asked my brother one night to bring some food when he was going to go visit her in her apartment. My dad packed a sack of Campbell’s soup, maybe a loaf of bread or box of crackers and added the jar of strawberry glaze. Somehow that glaze made it back into the cabinet and has made many appearances since then. It’s been wrapped for Christmas, made it to Sacramento when I was living up there, and I think it is in his pantry right now.

In this case, one jar is pert near out, but will never be out.

8. “He knew the risks.” This is a new one that my father adopted from #2 grandkid, Allie. When Steve Irwin died tragically and somewhat ironically with a stingray to the heart, my sister and her husband were hesitant to tell Allie knowing she would be upset and perhaps a little afraid of the water after that. Instead she shrugged and said, “He knew the risks.” Logic trumped empathy.

Happy birthday, Dad!

Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash!

If you are like me, not just the kids’ schedules heat up in the fall. Everything seems to go in hyper drive. Between ballet, soccer and PTA meetings, you struggle to break bread with your family and in a way that does not create a nutritional deficit. In a busy, busy life, dinner prep has to be quick. Here are my three best tips to get you to Christmas vacation. This also enters me to win a TwitterMoms and Samsung French door refrigerator. Read more about that here at Samsung.

My first tool is to use the broiler. Yes, the broiler! Remember that part of your oven you have relegated to make garlic bread and nothing more? Yes, that 500-degree mechanism that sears the taste inside. There’s no extra cleanup so it really is a time-savings technique.

You can cook some great chicken in high heat very quickly that is juicy and flavorful. My kids love drumsticks and a package of frozen drumsticks is only about $2 per pound. Add some spices to thawed drums and stick them under the broiler about 10 minutes each side. If salt and pepper is all your children can handle but you want something with a little more zing, then make some Buffalo sauce for you and your husband. Melt a stick of butter and add cayenne and Tabasco until you can’t stand it. Use it as a dipping sauce or baste your drums with it.

Burgers and fries are also wonderful under the broiler. The ground round can get a little messy with splatters so use a roasting pan to allow the grease to fall down and stay away from the flame. Line it with foil to make cleanup even easier.

Second, reinvent leftovers! Pasta and some grated parmesan cheese can do wonders for veggies and meats that are no more than one or two portions left in your fridge from a few days’ meals. You don’t even have to have a sauce, but a jar of Alfredo can add some depth and creaminess. If you don’t have that, add a quarter cup of olive oil, mince a clove or two of garlic and chop some basil leaves if you have them and voila! Add some fresh spinach for some extra iron in your family’s diet too. A bag of pasta only takes 12 minutes to boil—and don’t forget to salt your water so it is nice and tasty and not bland and starchy. Chop up your leftovers into bite-size pieces and mix with pasta and sauce or seasonings in a baking dish, grate some parmesan over the top and bake for twenty minutes.

If casseroles are not your thing, do the same thing with chicken broth instead of Alfredo sauce to make a hearty soup. Swanson’s has a re-sealable container of broth and no MSG. Pasta or rice can make it more filling but are not necessary.

Third, breakfast for dinner is always a fun way to liven up an evening. Pancakes, bacon or sausage and some scrambled eggs on the dinner table always make kids feel like they are breaking the rules. Liven it up with orange juice whipped in a blender with ice and some vanilla yogurt. It’s quick and relatively inexpensive.

These three tips can get you pretty far—I know they have helped me to avoid the boxed lasagna and the drive thru. Cheers to quick and easy meals and bon appetit!

Lying for the Greater Good

Face it, we lie to our kids. Some are little lies like, “I don’t know where that ripped and stinky nightgown that you outgrew three years ago but insist on wearing is.” When you know full well that you threw it out the last time you found it in the hamper.

Some are big lies like the most heinous one I have ever heard a mother tell her child, “You won’t like chocolate, it’s spicy.”

That wicked lie makes me laugh every time I share it. So clever and yet so dastardly to tell your own sweet child while Mommy unwraps another Ghirardelli square and savors it as it melts in her mouth. It wasn’t me, really!

The most common lies are the ones that we culturally agree are good. They have become universal. Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and any other figment of the imagination used to make parenthood and childhood more fun.

I loved imagining the Sandman coming into my room. He was a little guy on a flying carpet sprinkling dust that magically gives you great dreams. I think this image was in some old movie because I know my parents never gave me tequila or something else that might result in an image like that. Every morning there was evidence in my eyes that the Sandman had done his job and sealed my eyes for a great night of sleep. However, the promise of the Sandman’s magic terrified my little girl. In fact, so did Santa.

She liked the idea of some guy bringing presents, but she did not like that he was going to come into our house while we slept. It is somewhat burglar-like, isn’t it? In a Robin Hood sort of way. When she was one year old, Santa left the packages on the patio after we dutifully called the North Pole (AKA a puzzled grandpa on the other end of the call) to make that request.

Now my daughter is 10. It seems a little old to still believe in Santa but she’s not the only one. The other morning when I was driving carpool, the little boy I take to school – who is more intellectual than most men I know but talks about bodily functions as much as any man at any age – referenced what he calls the “Technology Elf.” Of course! The Technology Elf is in charge of all the techno-toys ordered into Santa’s workshop.

My seven year old quickly said with disgust, “There’s no Technology Elf – they just all build the toys!”

Wow! The more intellectual you are the more complex and organized your vision of imaginary things. How cool! He’s not above believing, he has constructed an environment to make more sense in a specialized corporate way. Genius!

In many discussions with my fellow moms we wonder if it’s time to let them in on it, but I think I’ll wait and let it slowly occur to my daughters and let them arrive at that conclusion in due time.

I think that the real reason for creating and perpetuating these wonderful tales that we do – with or without a Technology Elf – is to lead our children to faith.

It’s a way to teach them to believe in something that they can only imagine but we as parents are the masters and can control the outcome. They ask for a bike and we can guide their expectations and deliver if we approve. We can change the rules any way we need to so that our children feel their belief is worthwhile and keep the faith for another year.

It is one area where we can ensure there is magic in their lives and that there is a concrete system of reward for their good behavior. Sitting on Santa’s lap is almost a form of atonement, an opportunity for confession. Bless these wonderful children who have fit into their architecture of faith in Santa a need to have helper Santas in every mall and department store.

It is pure evidence that if we want to believe in something, we will create a world in our minds in which it can all be true.

As parents it’s easy to remember our duties on behalf of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but the Tooth Fairy’s schedule is as bad as a random wedding anniversary. There’s no other trigger than that they lost their tooth that day. That’s it. Good luck and you better have whatever denomination in whatever shape you determined to be a tooth’s worth. Is it a gold coin or a $2 bill? Don’t get too fancy because there’s not always a lot of time to arrange the perfect gift and the pressure to remember to do the deed before you go to bed is enough. Forget about finding the special Tooth Fairy pillow or anything else.

The stories I have heard of why the Tooth Fairy forgot are amazingly creative but usually are very human reasons – overbooked, tired, sick kids, didn’t put it on her calendar, etc.

In my opinion some lies are worth the result. They add interest and anticipation to holidays that could be very heavy and not very childlike. More importantly they provide something a child can believe in and have faith in that they can understand. Why a giant rabbit would bring chocolate is a little weird, but the faith that it is possible is the important part of the message.

Long Live Dotty!

This is my daughter's much-loved, very threadbare toy she calls Dotty. 

Dotty has gone through many challenges and has come through with flying colors. Multiple rounds of rhinoplasty have been necessary since my daughter sucks her trunk, but they have not made dear Dotty any less appealing to my now seven-year-old daughter. 

This summer, the dog did this. This was definitely the worst think that Dotty has ever had to endure. Even worse than being lost--uh, I mean on vacation for two months--until we found her behind a stack of mom's "to file" papers wedged against a coffee table in the office. 

Poor, poor Dotty. The chewing, the ripping, and the drool from one large collie puppy that is 100 times the size of Dotty. 

Dotty was rushed into emergency surgery for a nose transplant and fluff re-stuff. Once again, she pulled through with a new and improved trunk. She is the envy of all stuffed pachyderms with her sweet pink minky trunk. 

Later this summer the dog did the same thing to her tail. The surgeon was tempted to turn her into a push-me-pull-you, but refrained. 

There is a great book that is all about animals of Dotty's sort. The loved to abuse sort, that is. 

See it here: http://www.dirtywowwow.com/index.html